Week Two - A Day in the Life - Sunny Weather

Hi, I am Paul, Francesca’s husband. She asked me to contribute to this blog and I thought, why not? Men tend to be quiet and not share their thoughts and feelings. But I am not your stereotypical male. I am in touch with my feelings and talk about them with Francesca. So, I think this should not be difficult for me to do…

Boy, I am happy the wedding is over! For the last six months Francesca and I hardly had any time together. After work and on weekends, rather than spending time hanging out as we used to do, she spent all her time on the phone with her mom or one of her girlfriends, or going through magazines and asking my opinion about something as alien to me as what kind of centerpieces I liked the most. What do I know about centerpieces?  And what do I care? But I did not want to hurt her feelings, so I tried to look as interested as I could. She seemed so involved and excited, but I missed our evenings together. I would watch television alone, rather than doing what I most wanted: curl up with her on our couch and chill, go out with friends, or play a computer game and have fun like we used to. As Francesca got more and more excited about all the details of our weddings, I found myself becoming less and less involved. Honestly, I felt ignored by her, left out.

As the wedding date got closer, Francesca became more and more frantic with all the things she felt still needed her attention. At times she was snappy with me. She was often exhausted. At night I’d wait for her to come to bed, but when she did she would often crash and fall asleep instantly. What happened to our romance? I did not want to complain. After all, this was OUR WEDDING, how could I complain about it? It was for me as well, and for my family and friends, not only hers. But I did not see much sense in all these preparations and energy spent on something that took months to plan and only a few hours to execute! I would comfort my self by saying: “Just wait a little longer. Things will go back to normal between you and Francesca once the wedding is over.”

Now that it is over… our life is back the way it was before I proposed to her. Well, maybe not quite like then. There is more to do now. We have many more responsibilities. We bought our home shortly after we got engaged, this being part of planning for the future. This now sounds more like giving up the easy life we had before. The house requires a lot of upkeep, I am finding out.  I never was much of a handyman. I never had to. Now my weekends are now spent cutting the lawn, fixing a leak in the bathroom, or running to Home Depot for duct tape or different sizes of screws.

When Francesca and I have our romantic times, however, I think all this work is worth it. We love being with one another. We love kissing, touching, making love to one another. This part has not changed from before our wedding, and I am so grateful for that. My friends tell me that sex wanes once one gets married, but I don’t think this will ever happen to us. Sex is a very important part of our relationship and always was a very good one.

All in all, I’d say I am still adjusting to being married. We are still trying to figure out what this new status entails for us, both individually and as a couple. People say you get married and then you grow up. Maybe what I am feeling right now is some growing pains? I can’t talk about these things to my guy friends, it would not be cool.

Do guys usually feel this way at this point in their married lives?